Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Last Night On Teen Mom 2: Scary Christmas

So we start with ANOTHER short hair fake out, this time by Chelsea. You won't make a fool of me this time, Teen Mom 2. Either way it looks pretty awful. Adam is trying to reconcile with her and what a mistake. She's like oh can Adam come to Christmas here? And her mom is all ...yeah, the way you say it when someone asks you if they can invite their terrible friend out with you. That leopard snowsuit on the baby is pretty awesome, though.

--Written by Carrie--
--Pic'd and captioned by Clinto--

Oh yes it is.
OH HEYYY GOGGLE BABY. It's the twins' first birthdays and holy shit how old is Leah's mom? 30? That would explain a lot. Also, please note her sister's shirt. It IS great to be glamorous and it's even better when a t-shirt can say that for you.

Jenelle continues to make good choices and wants to bail Kieffer out of jail. She goes to her mom's boyfriend about it and he's like hey maybe just hang out with your kid and mom for awhile and don't bail your abusive boyfriend out of jail. This episode is taking the express train to weepytown again and I don't care for it.

The face of a man who also does not want to get on the train to weepytown.
Chelsea and Adam take Aubrey (yes, I know it's spelled Aubree but I refuse to spell it that way as babies can't be strippers) to cut down Christmas trees. And ohhhh my god there is a grown woman dressed like the Grinch to pick it right back up again. As far as random tertiary characters go, I'll take lady grinches over creepy gynos any day. They have a nice family day, which I assume will last for 20 seconds before Adam goes back to being Adam.

Imagine for a moment if the gyno from last episode had worn this. Ughljljklfjlfajsdlfasdf.
Facelyn has to spend the holidays alone for some reason, even though I'm pretty sure her mom lives right across town. Maybe that whole taking the remote thing was a much bigger deal than any of us realized. She's trying to patch things up with Jo's mom so it'll be fun to watch that blow up in her face.

Jenelle is wrapping presents for Jace and I really hope she got him fix-a-flat. Nope, as it turns out she got him an age appropriate present that you can't buy in a gas station. Come on, Jenelle, Pep Boys needs the business.

One look at this face and I was sure there was a tire iron under that Christmas tree.
Chelsea has to ask her dad if Adam can do Christmas with them who is like guess what, NOPE. Adam sucks. Get it, Dad. She also is trying to make her baby having four Christmases a bad thing and I really can't see the downside in that many presents. I may or may not be an only child.

It's finally Goggle Baby's birthday! And I guess other baby, aka the poor man's Goggle Baby. The birthday party is decidedly white trash and watching Cory eat brings his mouth breathing to a whole new level. Leah's also like isn't it great we're together, which much suck for her to watch now that they're divorced. But it must be better than having to watch Corey eat.

I'm assuming this picture was included in the divorce papers somewhere.
Facelyn had to take Isaac to Jo's, but luckily her giant boyfriend is there to save the day and wear a stupid hat. And he's like oh we'll have a better tree next year and she's like DO YOU SEE US TOGETHER NEXT CHRISTMAS? Whoa, Facelyn, I know you want to lock all that man down but relax. Also he has Gary syndrome where he feels that shorts are appropriate no matter what the weather. Ohhhhh and they just did an awful Virgin Diaries type kiss. Merry Christmas, indeed.

My Christmas wish for them is abstinence.
Jenelle is bitching about Kieffer but the baby is playing with a dog and it's pretty much the best thing ever. Jenelle is on academic warning and no one is surprised. She also yells at her mom and calls her dude, so that's pretty respectful. This is pretty much the worst Christmas ever, even for Teen Mom.

Corey is dressing up as Santa, even though he "can't wrap good". Also, his shirt says "Corey" in case you've forgotten who he is. He again needs to have captions despite speaking English, and I think I speak for all the ladies out there when I say I am pumped a catch like that is back on the market.

Corey, a living breathing "you know you're a redneck if" joke.
Chelsea and Adam are shopping and she's like oh it sucks my family hates you, and instead of being supportive he's like oh yeah? My family hates you too. Hooray!

Jenelle decided after her fight with her mom, the best course of action would be bailing Kieffer out of jail. How are people with those decision making skills allowed to have kids and then rewarded with MTV shows? I think I'm mostly mad that she's making me side with her horrible mother. She calls her friend and is like can you bail him out? And she's all Nope. Good move, Jenelle's white trash friend.

It's finally a Goggle Baby Christmas!! Corey is wearing what has to be the cheapest Santa costume of all time, and Goggle Baby is not having that shit. Other baby obviously has less discriminating tastes and is fine with it, but GB knows what's up. Except I think she just tried to eat one of her presents. Nobody's perfect, I guess.

Ho, ho, ohmygod you're terrifying.
Everyone is at Chelsea's mom's house for Christmas, including her sister and her sister's baby, who is apparently named Braylee, which is absolutely not a name. However, every Teen Mom Christmas minus Jenelle's Bad Decision Christmas has been heartwarming, this one included.

Facelyn writes a letter to Jo's mom to try to fix things and holy shit that woman looks terrifying. She actually wrote a really, really nice letter and that woman handles it well but still seems like she'd cut a bitch. Isaac and Facelyn then have a nice little mommy son Christmas and everyone's happy.

Isaac is right up there with GB for cutest baby on the show IMO.
Untiiiiiil Jenelle's story comes along. No one will help her bail Kieffer out of jail (shock) until she talks to his friend Dan, who I really hope is the guy who got all pissed about his change jar. But even Dan is like Jenelle, no, you're an idiot. Jenelle, I know you're pissed at your mom, but just go. home. Stop trying to get back at her by bailing a felon out of jail. It's at best not a great life plan and at worst, the most depressing Christmas of all time.

Alright kids, I hope the clips of goggle baby made up for all of the clips of Jenelle's horrible life. See you next week for TWO EPISODES BACK TO BACK. Twice the mouthbreathing. Twice the Goggles. Twice the hair fakeouts. See you there. 

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