Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Mad Fashion Series Premiere REVIEWCAP

I have a theory that you can tell the economic status of a country by the quality of  its TV show intros. As you can see from the Mad Fashion screenshot above: we in trouble.
In an effort to stay classy, I --Carrie-- am randomly recapping a Bravo show and giving MTV (and my inner rage) a week off. So I give you: Mad Fashion Premiere Review/Recap!

So for those of you unfamiliar, Chris March was a contestant a few seasons ago on Project Runway, before it defected to Lifetime and started sucking hard. I happen to love him so this recap is probably going to be extremely, extremely biased. If you're reading this and didn't watch the show and don't know who he is, picture Cam from Modern Family but somehow more effeminate and with a goatee. And now picture Cam making ridiculously elaborate dresses out of human hair. Aaaand that's pretty much all you need to know. So let's do this.

--Written by Carrie--
--Pics and captions by Clinto--

So it looks like in typical Bravo fashion, they'll be giving Chris a team of weirdos to help him make clothes and also throw out witty bon mots.

The quick and dirty on them: Matt: construction guy who I'm guessing builds his crazier pieces. Izzy: Hair expert. For head? For clothes? Remains to be seen. Alex: Seamstress (seamster?) slash Drag Queen. Natch. Christine: Apparently in charge of putting sparkles on things/sewing. Jake: Chris' bitch.

Scoop that poop, bitch.
So his first client is Ruthie Davis who is a shoe designer that I've absolutely never heard of. She has some kind of event and her request is to look like a Bond girl. He gets a little obvious with it and is like oh how about I put actual shoes on your outfit? Who would want that? I get that she designs shoes, but I'm in finance and I don't want to roll up to a party with dollars and stock certificates all over my clothes.

So back to his design studio, which looks what I assume Barbie's design studio looks like, and Chris decides to build an outfit around the shoes. Real talk: they are some awesome shoes and I want. So Izzy is making a hairpiece (initial question on what kind of hair she makes? answered), and they're making some kind of aluminum cage for this dress. He's like she doesn't want a shoe dress so I'm gonna make her a shoe dress.

"So you said you're deathly afraid of clowns, I have a great idea for where we should have your birthday party this year."
So his team disperses and gets their supplies and reconvene at Ruthie's shoe warehouse. The girls fall into stereotypes and totally geek out over said shoes are like zomg you can't cut the shoes and put them on a dresssss oh my god. I kind of get that though, because I'm assuming if the chick is designing shoes for Lady Gaga, they're probably not, you know, cheap. And it kind of pained me to watch them saw the shoes in half so I guess what we've learned here is that some stereotypes exist for a reason. Aaand is it me or is Matt the Construction Guy instantly turn into Matt the Serial Murderer the minute he turned that saw on? His face there is what nightmares are made of.

Then there's a fun little montage of them sewing and what have you, and talk about what Bond Girls they want to be and Oddly Straight Murderer Matt is clearly now Pretty Gay Murderer Matt. And then Christine tries to play but doesn't know what Bond girls are because she's 11 but I feel like she's my age and is maybe just kind of dumb and trying to play it off as youthful? And Izzy the hair queen is sewing hair to a vase to make her hairpiece? Is that how wigs are made?

So Matt & his Freddie Mercury mustache are making the shoe cage and I legitimately have no idea how a human will be able to wear whatever they are trying to make. It looks like a giant light fixture you'd see at Ikea called a Fleehrg or something. Again, Matt starts using power tools and just looks so murdery, mostly because I've never seen anyone look so happy using a drill before. So they attach the shoes and I still am having serious issues trying to understand how any of these things are outfits.

You know who else doesn't understand this outfit? The people making it.
So Ruthie comes to try on everything's a lot of look. I don't even know how to describe what I'm looking at when she has the wig and her leather spiky get up on - Bond girl is certainly not what immediately springs to mind. It's leather and shiny and has spikes and bride of frankenstein hair and it's not even an identifiable halloween costume.

If Tim Gunn walked in right now he'd murder everyone.
It's slightly like if the biker from the Village people had a slutty, big haired daughter? We also find out that Chris writes "Steve Nicks" on the inside of every piece of clothing he makes - at this point I'm pretty sure this show is actually an elaborate SNL sketch.

Soooo finally the big reveal to Ruthie, who likes her crazy space outfit - it also comes with a giant metal shoe belt! This woman is like 200x cooler than I am because if that were me, I would've been like "...the fuck?" and asked for my money back. But she likes it and wears it out and looks like biker shoe cougar Judy Jetson? Which is a whole string of words I never thought I'd type together.

This picture should be a warning to anyone who's asked to guest star on a Bravo TV show this season.
So, final thoughts? Review? In the words of Kanye? That shit's cray.

--Written by Carrie--
--Pics and captions by Clinto--


  1. Unnghh they made that cougar look crayyyzayyyy. I give her mad props for not openly weeping when they first showed it to her.

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