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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Real World San Diego 2: Electric Douche-aloo RECAP

Where does this season take place again?
In an effort to keep this reality recap trainwreck on the tracks, we will be bringing you random reality recaps each week. This week: Real World San Diego 2: Electric Douche-aloo Premiere!

So our first roommate is Priscilla, who is Miss El Cajon Teen (that's a thing?) and has never lived away from home before. The opening titles are relaly weird, even for RW standards, so let's just pretend like they didn't happen. Priscilla's mom is driving her to the airport and she asks her Mom if she ever banged in her bed? Then they share stories of banging in each other's beds? Entertaining these kinds of conversations is what will push your child into a world of reality tv, so please HEED that.

--Written by Carrie--
--Pics and captions by Clinto--

Alexandra and Nate are the next to meet, who both seem pretty chill. Nate is pretty serious about dental hygiene because his teeth are pretty blinding. Apparently he is also some kind of nuclear engineer type guy, and Alexandra is a civil engineer aaand I'm confused as to their casting roommates who aren't just total nightmares. Next couple: Ashley and Frank, who is wearing a sweatband and hawaiian shirt, Ashley seems reallllly dumb and Frank is the gay one I think. Zach and Sam are going to meet aaand Zach looks like Tim Riggins so he is immediately my favorite. I feel gross saying this because I'm probably 20 years older than he is at this point.

I uploaded this pic directly from Carrie's dreams last night.
Sam is from the 757 and is androgynous. Priscilla's creepy mom drops her off at the house and how old do we think she is? I genuinely can't tell. Frank and Ashley get there next and of course his first question is asking if she'd hook up with a roommate - my gay instinct is half right because right after it's revealed that Frank is bi. However, after he says "sweatylicious," I'm gonna go ahead and assume he may lean one way more than another. They all see the house and do the typical house freak out, except for Nate, who literally squeals. A few amenities: fridge full of Rockstar, giant chess game, and jacuzzi. So they all get to talking and Priscilla is like oh I'm full on Mexican and Nate is genuinely shocked by this, but immediately classifies her as dumb. I'm not saying she's not dumb, but you gave up a career in nuclear physics to be on the Real World, so who's the dumb one again, Nate?

So the girls claim a girls room, Nate and Frank room together, and we're still waiting on Sam (too perfect a name, no nickname required) and Zach Riggins. Frank then starts hitting on Alexandra, who has a boyfriend - based on the audition video they sent in, it appears they are attempting to be The Moldy Peaches (50 Reality Points for that reference). Nate then says Ashley gave him a halfie (ew, come on Nate, you're a PHYSICIST) and they bro out a little and it's lame. So Zach Riggins I guess doesn't like gay people and is upset about having to room with Sam. Nate is like ohhhh shit this guy is going to get everyone and apparently wanted to be Alpha Male. ON WHAT PLANET, NATE?

Classic alpha male run.
So then they're all there and they start drinking and I'm excited for the upcoming clip where Zach Riggins takes his shirt off. There we are. So five seconds in and everyone is in the hot tub. Okay, real talk: Do I even need to keep recapping this? Or is this like EVERY REAL WORLD EVER. Let me use my crystal ball to figure out what's going to happen: everyone starts drinking - gets in hot tub - conflict over various moral issues - taken roommate hooks up with single roommate - drama ensues.

Anyway, they get out of the hot tub and the girls are in bathing suits showering and Frank gets naked and jumps in and it's pretty lame. Nate and Frank have a really uncomfortable sexuality conversation and then separate into boys groups and girls groups and go out to dinner. As most normal roommates do. Sam goes with the boys and then there's some kind of who can get the hottest girl contest? I don't know, it's a teen movie now.

"Hey which one of us do you think can pick up the most girls?" asks the football player to physicist guy and transgender man. GEEEIWONDERF*CKYOU.
So the girls talk about who's cute and everyone's on Team Zach, Sam makes them go back to see what the girls are up to, and they can't go to a bar bar because Priscilla is 12. Soooo they stay in and it looks like sparks are flying with Zach and Ashley aaand I'm jealous. So everyone but Nate rolls out to get more beer and Priscilla calls her mom and is like oh they're so nice, they didn't go out without me! So, spoiler alert THEY TOTALLY GO OUT WITHOUT HER. Dick move, you guys. And Nate's like meh it's fine because I think he thinks he can bone Priscilla. I personally have my doubts about this.

So they all dance it out at the bar and they're all happy about that and Frank is like oh they're not hooking up - but this is The Real World so of course Frank and I are wrong and it cuts back and they're aggressively dry humping. Ahhh MTV, you're the classiest network of all. SO they get back and and Alexandra calls her boyfriend and then Frank gets on the phone with him? That's uncomfortable and pretty rude. And then he hits on Alexandra to her boyfriend and tells him he wishes she was single? God these people are the worst.

"I wish you didn't exist so I could bang your girlfriend." -Subtle
Byron takes it realllllly well and that's kind of nice and I hope she doesn't cheat on him with Frank because let's be serious, it's becoming increasingly clear that he is the woooorst. Except, again, it's The Real World so I need to stop talking about them like they are good and decent people. So, she's gonna cheat on Byron and then I'm going to be sad.

So guys, now it's day 2! They're going surfing and the getting into their wetsuits montage is pretty awesome. So Inspector Frank is grilling Priscilla now about who she wants to make out with and she's like ohhhh I made out with Nate but I didn't want to. She's like oh it was weird but oh well and Frank seems like the most dramatic person on the planet and basically acts like he assaulted her, so that's going to be a fun convo between new roomies! So Alexandra and Frank are talking it out again and he's wearing an awful shirt and he immediately is like GUESS WHAT NATE DID? So, perfect timing, Nate douches over and Frank is like WHAT DID YOU DO? And Nate's like ...what the what? And Frank and Nate bond over that? I...I can't. I don't even understand any logic on anything anyone says.

"I know I just met you yesterday and I want to be best friends, but did you mouth rape our 12 year old roommate?"
So Nate and Zach Riggin's confessional is awesome and Zach is wearing a Three Wolf Moon t-shirt, so I guess the confessional booth isn't in the house but is instead in 2009. Soooo since Priscilla can't get into the club, they're making her DD. What a fun experience! So Alexandra is talking to some dude at the bar and Frank is not pleased - already showing what a stand up guy he is. Jesus he is the worst. She has a boyfriend, he's not you, she can talk to dudes at bars. Sooo Frank handles that by getting wasted and looking like a reeeeally big creep in the corner. He then kicks some women out of their section and one of the women calls him the f-word and it's disgusting and it makes her look even trashier and totally awful. But wow he screams in her face and flips out and Sam is kind of like dude not cool and she seems pretty f-ing awesome.

So AGAIN Frank talks it out with Alex and gets mad at her for being nice and friendly, and I kind of take back everything I said about none of them being good people because Alex and Sam seem pretty legit. Sooo Alex is like okay I have a boyfriend and Frank is like it's cool and then PUNCHES A WALL because that's what you do when you're cool with things.

Prediction: Frank is going to get a LOT of screen time this season. Wowwww and this Frank disaster train just keeps on a'rollin. Frank, quit while you're only slightly behind, as opposed to making this just so embarrassing. Alex is like I want to be your friend and I want to help you and he's pretty much mean to the only person trying to help him. So he yells at Alex and Zach for no reason, calls his friend, and passes out in the confessional. Zach Riggins is my favorite again because he offers to carry him to bed, aaaand we end with Frank passed out on the floor. So, again, we have another installment of Awful People Doing Awful Thingston Abbey. Hope you all enjoyed.

--Written by Carrie--
--Pics and captions by Clinto--

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