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Thursday, August 25, 2011

Teen Mom Recap Episode 8! (Season 3)

It's playtime mother f*ckers.
Alright, guys. I'm starting this week's Teen's Mom with a massive spoiler alert: BUTCH. IS. BACK. Get excited. ANYWAY, Maci and FrankenKyle are taking Bentley to a daycare to socialize him, even though Maci said she's dropping classes to spend time with him. Teen Mom logic at its finest. Bentley cries his effing eyes out, FrankenKyle is sad about it, and Maci's heart of stone doesn't seem to even be effected by any of this at first. Then she laughs at him trying to get her. FrankenKyle goes back for him and it's....adorable. Like really, really cute. Teen Mom crushing my snark this early on is not a good sign, guys. I feel like I may cave pretty quickly tonight.

OR NOT because they cut to Amber. Clinton (ed note: probably not the same Clinton who runs this blog, but they didn't show him for long so I can't be sure. Our Clinton is shady like that, too.) helps her move, and they get Leah's princess room together, and from what I can tell Amber set up a tent in the room before anything else. Gary appears to again be wearing Aeropostale but the logo is blurred out - good move, Aeropostale. Gary talks about missing Leah as he is blatantly ignoring her playing by herself in drapes, again proving that no matter who she lives with, she's totally screwed.

--Written by Carrie, Pics and captions by Clinto--

Can you spot the Teen Mom baby?
Catelynn and Tyler meet with their adoption counselor to get pictures of Carly. Aaaaand it's sad again. They're talking about Carly being at graduation and visiting her and Christmas and I can't make fun of any of it.

But again, we have Farrah bringing me back to Earth. Farrah's dad is taking her to lunch to celebrate getting her associate's degree and a boob job all in the same 6 month time frame. Half of that may not be true. Farrah is talking about moving California for the job opportunities (really?) as Sophia plays on the floor of a restaurant. Farrah's dad basically is like yeah okay good luck with that and since Farrah only hears what she wants to hear, she takes that as her dad totally supporting that decision. He tells her to tell Shelley Long about it aaand I'm interested to see how all this boils over.

Back to Maci, she immediately asks FrankenKyle when they're going to make a baby. FrankenKyle logically is like yeah when we get married we can have a baby and I'm sure internally is like "..the fuck?" Maci's logic is that Bentley doesn't need her anymore. Because in Teen Mom land, toddlers are self sufficient, and babies are free! Hooray! What a magical place to live! 

When your child goes to Kindergarden you can start calling yourself an empty nester. -Teen Mom Fact
Tyler is writing a really cute letter to Brandon and Teresa, complete with smiley faces, and I think Catelynn dyed her hair? AND OHHH HEEEEY THERE'S BUTCH! In a Target! With a blue camo hat! They pick out toys for Carly, and Butch's neck tattoo looks especially lovely in the florescent Target light. If that doesn't put you in the Christmas spirt, I don't know what will.

Cut to Gary sending off Leah, wearing a t-shirt with snow on the ground. She likes her new room and Amber doesn't immediately try to eat her, so I guess that's progress. This is going to be a slow episode because there's a good 30 second clip of her crawling through that weird princess tent thing. 

Imagine her disappointment when she climbed inside her tent-castle only to find it was without its advertised squatter-prince.
Farrah is looking at apartments in California that I can't afford, despite the fact that I have a job and no children. She is incredibly condescending to the real estate guy who doesn't know her at all, further proving that she is just the wooooorst. She then yells at her mom for asking her why she's moving away, and immediately asks her to watch Sophia after screaming at her. Because her mom is an awesome parent, she totally enables this and Farrah just yells at her again. Delightful. 

Bentley and Ryan are playing in his room while FrankenKyle confides in his friend at a wood paneled restaurant about Maci wanting to have another baby. I can't understand a goddamn word either of them says, so I'm going to assume they're talking about hunting and football and po' boys or something? Maci tells her mom she wants another one, who appropriately answers "Have you lost your damn mind?" She's like oh Bentley goes away so if I had another baby I wouldn't be bored. GET A JOB, MACI. MAYBE THAT WILL HELP WITH YOUR BOREDOM.

"Herp-a-derp-a-po'-boys-derp"
Catelynn and her mom go shopping at Target for presents too and Tyler is SO EXCITED to see what presents they bought for Carly. They're happy their families are getting along and Tyler is talking about re-writing the letter to Carly's family and he's just so wonderful. I want to adopt him so he doesn't have to deal with his awful parents anymore. Is that an option? I'd be a really good Mom of a 19 year old.

Clinton asks Amber out on a date (how dare you, Clinton? I thought us blogging together meant something.) and she's excited despite the fact that it may upset her daughter. Because of course she is.

Farrah is going to California while her parents watch her baby because she's totally self sufficient enough to move across the country. Sophia cries for her mom and Farrah just walks away. Also, while I'm at it, what happened to that dog Farrah got for Sophia? Did she give it away? Did it have an "accident"? No one mentions the dog anymore and I can't imagine that's a good thing.  

From left to right: toddler, puppy (obscured, in toddler's lap), Teen Mom paying attention to the important things.
Maci goes to dinner with her friends and is talking to them about having another baby. Everyone is kind of like "...coool maybe?" when she brings it up, but only one of her friend's actually is like "Hey maybe think about this a little." Maci cries and I can't take any of this seriously. Get your life together, Maci! You were one of the Teen Moms I wanted to punch least and now you're getting dangerously close to Farrah levels of delusion.

Tyler's mom is coming over and Tyler and Catelynn want to talk to her about butting into their relationship with Carly's parents. It's snowing but in lieu of a coat, she's wearing a turtle neck under a hoodie. Bold choice. She's trying to defend herself and then she cries and Tyler, I will totally adopt you. I won't ever wear a turtleneck under a sweatshirt and you can have all the pizza you want! Just get out of this family. Now.

You know who likes his women in turtleneck-hoodies? This guy.
Amber's mom takes Leah so Amber can go on a date with Clinton, and Clinton REALLY loves olives. He's also dressed like a member of Good Charlotte circa 2003, and also has a kid. Match made in heaven. He asks her out again and I am now faced with the disturbing truth that not one, but at least two people in this country want to have sex with Amber.

Bentley is again in his Ed Hardy sweatshirt and Maci is harassing FrankenKyle about having a child. To my surprise, FrankenKyle actually shuts her down, and Maci seems surprised that no one thinks she should have another child. Tyler and Catelynn bring the gifts to the adoption counselor and discuss the whole bringing Carly to graduation thing. The adoption counselor gives them good advice and tells them she's proud of them and in 20 seconds is a better parent to both of them than they've ever had before. Okay, Tyler, maybe ask her to adopt you? That may be a more viable option than me. 

F*CK MY NAME! GIVE IT BACK!
Farrah is checking out West Los Angeles College (which I'm pretty sure is a college in the same way that Dr. Pepper is a doctor) to get her degree. She then decides, due to a lot of construction on campus, that she doesn't love California. Sweet. 

Our closing montage today is, respectively: Amber on a date while her mom watches her baby, FrankenKyle being a good Dad to Bentley, Catelynn and Tyler being wonderful people at a restaurant, and Farrah going home defeated. As it should be. 

--Written by Carrie, pictures and captions by Clinto--

3 comments:

  1. This whole episode was full of mumbling. I couldn't understand Kyle and his friend, but Tyler gave me a lot of trouble too.

    So... I live in California and when Farrah said she didn't want to live there, I literally yelled at the TV, "Good! We don't want you here anyway!" I got a little out of hand.

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  2. Similarly, every time clinton came on screen i screamed out in agony

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  3. All this talk about Shelly Long, and the real one showed up on a very funny episode of the Modern Family last night!

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