Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Teen Mom 3 Recap: Tokyo Drift

So, I can't watch this show without vacillating between outrage and laughing the entire time. Maci sets it all off, letting us know she briefly broke up with but reunited with the tree of a boyfriend known as Kyle. WHEW. Then onto finding out the dad of the super ugly one with the sweet, white trash boyfriend (Catelynn?) is going to jail for cocaine or something. 

Frankly, the only shock there was that it wasn't for meth. Because of that, the house got broken into or something? I was texting so I missed that part. Moral of the story, they're moving in with her grandmom or something totally not pathetic.

Back to one of the two attractive ones,  Farrah is trying to spend the money she makes waitressing at a pizza place (wait for it) on breast implants. To help her "modeling career." Because that's the kind of person that should be a parent. We later cut to a montage of banks shutting her down for loans and Farrah letting us know "she won't give up." Listen to me, Farrah: Give up. Right now. The only people who want to use a teen mom as a model are perverts, and you have a baby. Stop being the worst.

Moving back to hilarious, Maci's babydaddy asks her, via text, while sitting in front of her, if her current boyfriend is slow. In 99% of situations this would be awful and not funny, but having seen Kyle...its basically the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. Ten points for Ryan. Are you ready to go back to outraged? Good! Farrah GOT  THE LOAN TO GET HER BOOBS DONE. Good job, bank. Slow, sarcastic golf clap for you. 

That lead to a really depressing conversation about a will blah blah blah boring boring boring. Maci's trying to create drama between Ryan and Kyle and she got told by her friend for complaining about her life when she should've used a condom. 10 points for that friend. She is now tied with Ryan. In closing, Catelynn and Tyler, they're moving in together and leaving their wildly white trash mom in the dust. Tough but fair, Catelynn and Tyler. Tough but fair. 

Farrah decides to make her mom the baby's guardian, which is a great choice since Farrah turned out to be such a peach. She gets her boobs done and afterwards they leave HER TODDLER ALONE ON THE STEPS so they can put her into bed after surgery. Then she complains. I can't even. Maci got child support from Ryan and continues to date Kyle and I'm still laughing about the text from Ryan. 10 more points for Ryan. Ryan wins this episode, THE END.

What's that? I missed Gary and Amber? No, guys, I didn't. Because I can't write about them without wanting to punch my TV and computer, they get one sentence. They're still pigfaced and awful.


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